The Pants-Files: Season 1-Part 1
by Maylin Sephiroth Priestess
Summary: I've always wanted to do this... Heh... I've put the word "pants" in X-Files quotes... If it's funny enough, I'll make more!


What can I say? I don't know where I came up with the idea, but I thought having the word "pants" in  
X-Files quotes were funny enough for me. If the number of positive reviews are fairly high, I will  
continue to make more of these (so please tell me you really like 'em!). Anyway, these quotes were  
taken from the 1st season, and the title episodes are in the exact order they had originally aired,  
but if I did make a mistake, please email me at LadyPsycho@juno.com so I can make the changes  
ASAP! And whatever you do, don't take offense to this if you're a serious X-Files fan. This is only  
humor, after all. Enjoy!  
  
  
The Pilot (aka: The X-Files)  
  
Scully: Am I to pants that you want me to pants the X-Files pants, sir?  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: Sorry, no pants down here but the FBI's most unpants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: I'm not pants, Scully. I have the same pants you do.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Dammit, Mulder, cut the pants. What is going on here? What do you know about those  
pants?  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: No, wait a minute. You're saying that pants disappear. Pants just can't disappear, it's, it's, it's a universal pants.  
  
  
Deep Throat  
  
Scully: What reason would the pants have to kidnap one of their own pants?  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: So, you and I are going to the spud pants to investigate a little pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: Let's just say this pants has a distinct smell to it. A certain paranormal pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Deep Throat: I can be of pants to you. I've had a certain pants in your work.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Is this why we came but here, pants? To look for pants? Yeah, this is gonna look really  
good on my field pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Mulder, you could have shown that kid a picture of fly pants and he would have told you  
exactly what he saw.  
  
  
Squeeze  
  
Scully: Mulder, they don't want you involved. They don't want to hear about your pants. That's why their  
pants have you hidden away down here.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sully: Mulder, you are jeopardizing my pants.  
Mulder: ~~Offering her his pants~~ Pants?  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Colton: Look Dana, whose side are you on?  
Scully: The pants'.  
  
  
Conduit  
  
Mulder: Because the lizard pants wasn't born anywhere near Lake Okopants.  
Scully: Oka-what?  
Mulder: Pants. ~~gets up in her face~~ Okopants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: You never know, we might need his help on one of those pants.  
Mulder: I'll send him a pants cake.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: Come on. How can an 8-year-old pants who can barely multiply be a threat to national  
security. People call me pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: She lied to us in the library, she lied to us about her pregnancy, what makes you think she  
wouldn't lie to us about killing Ruby?  
Mulder: Because something was out there in those pants.  
  
  
The Jersey Devil  
  
Scully: It was your pants, Mulder. you could have really humiliated him, and, uh, told him who the  
perpetrator was. The Jersey Pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: You should have seen her, she was beautiful.  
Scully: Yeah, well, she just about ripped your pants off.  
  
  
Shadows  
  
Scully: How can the pants be crushed without the neck even being touched?  
Mulder: Psychokinetic manipluation.  
Scully: Psychokinesis? You mean how Carrie got even with the pants?  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: The paramedics check you out?  
Scully: Yeah, I'm fine. Except I have a wait-in-line-at-the-DMV-pants headache.  
Mulder: Mine's more IRS pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: You don't see too many bosses' pants without people dancing on it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder. Hey Scully. Do you believe in the pants?  
Scully: I'd settle for a pants in this one.  
  
  
Ghost in the Machine  
  
Scully: So, why did you two go your separate ways?  
Mulder: I'm a pain in the pants to work with.  
Scully: No, seriously.  
Mulder: You mean I'm not a pain in the pants to work with?  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Must be for the pants impaired.  
Mulder: How do you like that? A politically correct pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: Maybe he was talking to his pants before he was doing his Ben Franklin pants.  
  
  
Ice  
  
Scully: We found a way to kill it. Two pants in one host will kill each other.  
Mulder: You give me one pants, you'll infect me.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: It's still there, Scully. 200,000 years down. In the pants.  
Scully: Leave it there.  
  
  
Space  
  
Mulder: ...to deny us evidence.  
Scully: Evidence of what?  
Mulder: Alien pants.  
Scully: Of course.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: Didn't you ever want to be a pants when you were growing up?  
Scully: I must have missed that phase.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: I have to admit, that fulfilled one of my boyhood pants.  
Scully: Yeah. It ranks up there with getting my own pony and learning to braid my own pants.  
  
  
Fallen Angel  
  
Commander Calvin Henderson: I'll see to it that you pay the price for putting my pants at risk.  
Mulder: Since when does taking pants put anyone's life at risk?  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: My assignment is to bring you back, not to help you dig yourself in pants.  
Mulder: "The Last Pants" starring Dana Scully.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Sir, request permission to make a pants.  
FBI Agent: Request denied.  
Scully: Sir, it's unfair to judge Mulder by the same pants.  
FBI Agent: You're dismissed, Agent Scully.  
Scully: But, sir, I...  
FBI Agent: That will be all.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: Do you hear that pants, Scully? Hammer and nails. They're building a pants in town square.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: How can I disapprove pants that are stamped with an official pants?  
FBI Agent: That will be all.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Deep Throat: Always keep your friends close, Mr. McGrath, but keep your pants closer.  
  
  
  
Note: Again, I stress that this is a humor kind of thing going on. I do appreciate feedback,  
particularly good! ^_^ 


End file.
